A blog by Julie Moore
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, warmth, and celebration. The sights, sounds, and smells, lights twinkling in windows, and the family gatherings can evoke a sense of excitement and happiness for some. However, for many people, especially those who have experienced loss, the holidays can also bring a deep sense of sorrow and grief.
Whether you’re mourning the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a way of life you once knew, the festive season can amplify the pain of missing someone or something that was once integral to your life. If you’re experiencing grief during the holidays, you’re not alone. Here are some ways to help navigate the complexity of grief during this challenging time and find your way through the season.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Grief is a unique and personal experience that doesn’t follow a linear path. During the holidays, there may be a temptation to suppress or ignore feelings of sadness, as we are told that this time of year should be filled with cheer and happiness. However, acknowledging your emotions is the first step in healing. It’s okay to feel a mixture of things—sorrow, frustration, loneliness, and even guilt. All of these feelings are valid.
Allow yourself permission to experience grief without judgment. You don’t have to conform to societal expectations of holiday cheer if you’re not feeling it. It’s important to honor your emotions, even if they seem out of place in the holiday context.
2. Create New Traditions or Adjust Old Ones
If certain holiday traditions are too painful to continue in their original form, it’s okay to modify or skip them. The holiday season doesn’t have to look the same as it did before your loss. If decorating the tree or attending a family gathering brings up too many memories, consider creating a new tradition that feels more manageable for you.
Some people find comfort in lighting a candle for a lost loved one or visiting a place that held special meaning. Others might prefer to take a break from the usual holiday activities and spend time in quieter ways, such as reading, journaling, or enjoying a peaceful walk. The holidays are not a “one-size-fits-all” experience, and it’s okay to carve out a new way of celebrating or simply taking a step back from traditional festivities.
3. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Peace
Grief can be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually exhausting, and the holiday season often comes with social expectations that can feel overwhelming. You may feel pressure to attend parties, visit family, or be “on” in ways that don’t feel right. It’s important to set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being.
If you’re invited to a gathering but don’t feel up to it, give yourself permission to say no. You can politely decline without feeling guilty. If you do attend a family gathering or event, let people know beforehand if you’re not up for long conversations or if you might need to leave early. By being clear about your limits, you’re taking steps to protect yourself during a time when grief can feel especially raw.
4. Reach Out for Support
Grief can be isolating, especially during the holidays when everyone else seems to be surrounded by family and friends. However, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Reach out to people who understand your experience—whether that’s a close friend, a family member, or a therapist. If you’re not comfortable talking to someone close to you, consider joining a grief support group, either in person or online. Sharing your feelings with others who understand what you’re going through can provide comfort and remind you that your emotions are valid.
Sometimes, just having someone listen can be helpful and healing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to lean on others for support. If you’re not sure where to turn, a grief counselor or therapist can help you process your emotions in a safe and structured way.
5. Honor the Memory of Loved Ones
When we lose someone, we often find ourselves struggling with how to keep their memory alive during milestones like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. While it can be painful, finding ways to honor and remember your loved one can also be deeply healing.
This could be as simple as looking through old photos, writing a letter to them, or preparing a meal they once loved. Some people find solace in creating a memory box or a scrapbook of shared moments. You might also consider performing an act of kindness in their name, such as volunteering or donating to a cause they cared about.
Creating space to remember your loved one allows you to carry them with you through the season, even as you experience grief.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Grief can make us feel as though we’re in a constant state of emotional flux. There may be days when you’re managing okay and other days when the weight of the loss feels unbearable. It’s essential to be kind to yourself during this time. You might find yourself feeling exhausted, irritable, or detached from the world around you. These are all natural reactions to grief.
Self-compassion means being gentle with yourself when you’re struggling and not expecting yourself to be “okay” or “back to normal” during the holidays. You don’t need to have it all together. Give yourself permission to take breaks, ask for help, and say no when you need to. Sometimes, simply acknowledging that you’re doing the best you can is a powerful act of self-love.
7. Take Time for Self-Care
The holidays are often a time of external demands—family obligations, shopping, cooking, and attending events—but it’s also crucial to make time for self-care. Grief takes a toll on both the body and mind, so prioritize rest, relaxation, and activities that nourish you.
Take walks in nature, enjoy a hot bath, listen to music that brings you peace, or spend time with a pet. Practices like meditation or mindfulness can also help ground you when emotions feel overwhelming. By caring for your body and mind, you give yourself the strength to navigate the emotional turbulence of grief.
8. Know That Grief Has No Timeline
Grief doesn’t disappear when the holiday season ends. The holidays can often intensify grief, but the path of healing is individual. Be patient with yourself and recognize that your journey with grief is unique to you. It may take time to find new ways to celebrate the holidays or to feel any joy around the holidays.
The pain you feel now doesn’t mean you’ll never find peace or joy again. In time, the rawness of grief may soften, but for now, focus on being kind to yourself and taking things day by day. Remember that healing doesn’t happen on a set schedule, and it’s okay to move through the season in your own way.
Grief during the holidays can be an incredibly challenging experience, but it also offers an opportunity to learn new ways of honoring and remembering our loved ones. It’s a time to be gentle with ourselves, to seek out support, and to create space for both sorrow and joy.
By acknowledging your grief, setting boundaries, and finding ways to honor your feelings, you can navigate the holiday season with more peace and compassion. While the holidays may never be the same, they can still offer moments of healing, connection, and growth as you continue on your journey of grief.
If you would like support in your grieving process, Mindful Path Counselling has several counsellors who specialize in grief counselling, as well as a grief and loss group. Please click the links to learn more:
- https://mindfulpathcounselling.ca/our-team/erin-sunstrum-ma-rp-qualifying/
- https://mindfulpathcounselling.ca/our-team/desiree-bertrand/
- https://mindfulpathcounselling.ca/our-team/deborah-rimay-msw-rsw/
- https://mindfulpathcounselling.ca/workshops-mindfulpath-counselling/
References
American Psychological Association. (2018). Coping with grief during the holiday season. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/topics/grief/holiday-season-coping
Benkel, I., Skoglund, J., Enstedt, D., Hård af Segerstad, Y., Öhlén, J., & Nyblom, S. (2024). Understanding the needs for support and coping strategies in grief following the loss of a significant other: Insights from a cross-sectional survey in Sweden. Palliative Care and Social Practice, 18, 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1177/26323524241275699
Bereaved Families of Ontario. (2023). Coping with grief during the holidays. Bereaved Families of Ontario. https://www.bereavedfamilies.ca/_files/ugd/0b51e8_5e0dde26c3e34111b6c8ea4f6d85a550.pdf
Hall, C. (2014) Bereavement theory: recent developments in our understanding of grief and bereavement, Bereavement Care, 33:1, 7-12
Harris, D. (2010). Oppression of the bereaved: A critical analysis of grief in western society. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 60(3), 241–253. https://doi.org/10.2190/om.60.3.c
Imber-Black, E. (2004). Rituals and the healing process. In F. Walsh and M. McGoldrick (Eds.), Living Beyond Loss (pp.340-357).
